Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
