A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
