i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
COCAINE IS GR8
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
