Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
