let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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