I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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