I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
