so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
