I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
