If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
