Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I party with great urgency now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
