This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
