hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
