He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
