Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
