saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
