they need to just BURY HIM!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
