I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
