He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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