i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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