oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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