So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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