there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize