i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
