Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Did I show you my penis last night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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