halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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