I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Floor bacon is actually really good
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