sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
