At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
