Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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