i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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