I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
