Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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