Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My hand turned me down
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
