Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize