i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
