so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize