I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm passing your future prison.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
