dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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