I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize