these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
