Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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