Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
