her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
