Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
