Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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