benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
