don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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