i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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