We're like a lot better than the average bears
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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