I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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