apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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