Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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