Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
