Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
