Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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