i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
