pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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