So drunk its hurt
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
