Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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