there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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