the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
