guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
